Loss and Trauma
Remarkably, an abundance of humans, and many of us, will experience a loss or potential trauma at some point in our lives. There is a great deal of misinformation in popular culture and the mental health field alike about proper coping with loss and trauma, when, according to the most up-to-date research, humans have developed highly sophisticated coping capacities over time in an effort to respond to an unimaginable onslaught of threatening life events.
When our coping goes awry, in the case of complicated or prolonged bereavement, we experience persistent and debilitating symptoms related to yearning for the deceased, intrusive thoughts and feelings about the deceased, avoidance of reminders of the loss, emotional numbness and excessive emotional reactivity to loss-related material. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been shown in research studies to be significantly more effective than other treatments for complicated grief. AEDP also supports healing around losses, helping us repair ruptures and use our attachments to speak to the deceased. Through use of “Continued Bonds,” which I have a blog post about if you desire to learn more.
With trauma, when we are faced with more than we can tolerate in the context of confronting aversive, life-threatening events, our strategies or toolbox of coping that once served us so well when responding to a threat may suddenly become excessive and prolonged once the threat ceases. For example, imagine encountering a bear in the forest: our adrenaline will kick into “fight or flight or freeze or submit” mode. While it is healthy and effective to escape from a predator at top speed and to be on guard, fearfully checking over our shoulders in reaction to any sound in the forest, no matter how subtle, continuing to function as though we are being chased by a bear outside of the forest will take an extraordinary toll on us both mentally and physically. Research studies confirm the effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (particularly “Imaginal Exposure”) in treating Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Depending upon the manifestations of trauma symptomatology, I additionally employ something called “Internal Family Systems,” by Richard Schwartz, whereby we build healthier current selves with parts of us caught in the past. The therapeutic idea is never to make therapy worse than the actual adverse experience. The focus is on promoting a self that can heal all the split-off parts of us. Our younger parts at different ages can lead ot transformative changes into strengths. Nevertheless, I ensure I never open up an old narrative that could potentially lead to false memories, and being attuned ot the most up-to-date trauma literature helps me do this safely.
My work with clients has confirmed how useful confronting the trauma in the context of a safe relationship with the therapist can be, particularly when combined with teaching the client new coping skills, including meditation, and deepening the client’s exploration of their perceptions of the event. AEDP furthermore undoes our sense of aloneness in the world.